Let’s be real for a minute. Sometimes (and by sometimes I do mean for the majority of situations) being a good person is not worth it. You get stepped all over; people will take advantage of you because they can. What is the point in being a good person? Especially when you get told that after they have used you for a long period of time. Think about that in whatever way you can in your own life (i.e. by being there for them, but them not being there for you: doing more of the assignment: being misled). I have felt this.
It is like having your entire body covered in paper cuts, and once that person says "you are such a good person" or “you are a great friend” it feels as though they have thrown lemon juice all over you. It’s like they know it is a dagger in your heart, so they turn it. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this. But after coming to the realization of this phenomenon I thought to myself, 'being called a good person is no longer a compliment, but rather an insult'. Good people are seen as being naive for trying to help, stupid for allowing people to walk on them like a door mat, and an idiot for not becoming bitter and being the walker rather than the walked on. Has this occurred because so many people are only out to better their life? Have we become that heartless as a generation? A country? A world?
I am not saying that I am not at fault for this predicament that faces all of us. But I have realized this. Since this realization that came early on in my life, I have been trying to be the one getting the lemon juice poured onto me than doing the pouring. Though it stings, especially when those closest to me are the ones hurting me, I have to realize that they do not understand. They have not had this epiphany, or they have yet to experience being used, or they were used and became bitter that they now use everyone. I hope that when these people in my life do, I hope that I will be able to empathize with them, after all I have been through this countless times, and every time hurts just as much. But the pain goes away, and it becomes a cycle with some. I'm full of metaphors today, so here is one more. It is like a scar, it no longer hurts, but you remember the pain from when you got it. The same goes with being a decent person and being used. For me, I remember getting used by a certain persons at different stages of my life (as I am sure many can).
Call me foolish, but I always hope that if I help them, talk to them, and continue to be a good person and friend, that they will not hurt/use me again. Yet, the majority I am in a cycle. Looking to my perfect example and the life He led, I know that I will have temporal pain, but eternal satisfaction for helping someone in the time they needed it. I am hopeful for others, not naive.
I am learning. I am continuing to grow as a person. I am learning more about myself in these situations than I think I could any other way.
This has always been interesting to me, and I just wanted to jot down my thoughts about it.
