The Hyphen.

Oddly enough I found an amazing poem after reading it on a persons arm. They had inked on them the last part of this. Naturally, being as curious one, I googled it. I found this poem by Linda Ellis.

I really like it. It makes me reflect on the preciousness of life and how I need to be better at all the things I do.

"The Dash Poem" by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matter not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how your spent your dash?

USU

USU is closing in my life with a bigger bang than I could have ever hoped!! I am having such a fantastic last semester in Logan!! My friends are terrific and amazing! Going to games, parties,and movie watching has been the best. I love being up here! I love the people and the crazy things that we get invited to and involved in. I love that USU hosts parties like Mardi Gras for us to get dolled up and go fake gamble. Going this year with my roommates was a very fun night.

This semester has been amazing right from the start with the glorious "mocktail night". Going to four parties in one night is exhausting. But I think the best part was the photos we got to take together! Ha ha, that may sound lame but it was a fun night and looking at our pictures you can see we got into character. Though that party was a total drag, the other three were lots of fun and staying up until four was fun until the next day when all I wanted to do was sleep.

Canada Dry--Yum

America's Next Top Model photo

I have really been making the most of this semester since it is my last. I don't know what is going to happen when I student teach, I don't know if I'm going to be able to come up to Logan to see friends all the time or if I will make new ones where I teach, if I teach out of state. I don't really know, but I am excited. I love where my life is going and the spontaneity that has creeped up on me. It has been so fun.

Not to mention the basketball games are a highlight of Spring Semester--especially this last one where a player shattered the backboard during halftime warmups. Ha ha it was hilarious, for many reasons but one being that once maintenance replaced it, they shattered the new one. Then decided to roll out a hoop and fix that one later. It was hilarious. I can't wait to go to the WAC tournament and see what else the Aggies will break.

We are ruthless and a devastating spectrum to play in, with jerky chants and untamed confidence that We will win. It is something that everyone (especially USU students) need to experience at least once. After a taste of the energy, you'll want to go back for more.

"Show me the Scotsman who doesnt' love the thistle.

Show me the Englishman who doesn't love the rose.

Show me the true blooded Aggie from Utah

Who doesn't love the spot where the sagebrush grows!"

Fear of Phobias

I have no idea why I blog about the weirdest things but today I want to blog about fear.
I think some fears are so strange--like the fear of someone hearing you pee, or the fear of public speaking, or the fear of dinner conversation. Fear is scary when it stops people dead in their tracks from living their lives.


How did I learn to be afraid? I remember when I was little I was not scared of really anything. I would jump off cliffs not knowing how deep the water was below, ride motorcycles on small trails with a steep drop on the side, I picked up snakes and worms without thinking twice. 
When I was three, I watched some scary movies with clowns. The movies were Stephen King's It  and Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I had nightmares for weeks about Pennywise killing me. For a few years after this experience I was okay, until I was about 10, I soon BECAME TERRIFIED!! I saw one on a poster, commercial, or in person and I freaked!! I still freak out, getting this picture on here was quite a task. I had to black out his face quickly or I would never be able to look at my blog again! I can't stand them. Yes I have Coulrophobia (the fear of clowns). There is nothing cute or fun about them, just creepy.
While I was looking up the name for my phobia I found some really odd ones:






Levophobia --Fear of objects to the left side of the body. As oppose to the fear of objects to the right side of the body which is Dextrophobia. 
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia--the fear of long wordsHa ha or the oxy moron of this phobia name with the phobia.
Fears are something that I think are outrageous, but they make sense to that person to be afraid, it is a reaction. I don't understand the fear of the or the fear of swallowing air, but I do understand the fear of rejection, clowns, and failure.

Past. Future.

I am going to be a teacher.


soon.


I finally realized how quickly this was coming today as I turned my student teaching application. I will be teaching students next fall. I will be borrowing a classroom and then onto my own!


I am amazed at how quickly the past 4 years of school have flown by. I cannot imagine being anywhere else but here. I have grown up a lot in 4 years, I was a awkward high school graduate who thought I knew everything, only to find out I knew little about the world. I learned. I learned about the world. I learned about the past and the future. I learned about people. I learned about myself. This knowledge came through many people who helped shape and molded me.

My sophomore year of college has by far been the greatest year for education and fun. To my Brentwood babes, you ladies (and everyone in that year of my life) were my family away from home. You changed me and taught me to loosen up and be crazy, college was not always about being in the books or the library, it was being among the living. From Jello Sliding to making music videos to talking until 4 a.m. I have so many fond memories of us in the short year we spent together. It was a year that I would never trade.


Mom and Dad, you two have been the greatest. You have helped me in more ways than you will ever know. I am grateful to have you as parents. Dad you have shown me that hard work pays off and to never do any work half value. Mom you have endowed on me so much wisdom that I do not know where to begin. Thank you for always helping me to further my education and understanding.

I have the most amazing siblings in the world. They are not only my family, but my friends who will always help me through difficult times.

Corey, you always can make me laugh with your humor. You always can find something to smile or joke about. Thank you for always making me chuckle or smile.
Tyler, you have wisdom that sounds like it should come from an 80 year old man who has lived a full life. Thank you for always helping me to know when I am being difficult.



Megan, you have always been a great sister and an even better friend who I have confided in about boys, troubles, and school. Thank you for always listening to my dramatic tales.

I can't wait for your wedding this summer!! 

There have been so many friends that have come and gone in my life and I have learned from all of you. Thank you for what it was that you taught me and for your help.


My education has come from many informal experiences with my family and friends, but one in particular person who helped me in and out of the classroom was a professor. My mentor. The Guru of Colonial History. He taught me a lot about history and how to interpret it, but he also taught me a lot about who I am and what I stand for and how I need to go for the desires I have. 
To some this may sound like a reverse order to be getting through school and then having adventures. But I find that this is the way my road map was traced.

"Life is a Journey and only you hold the map".

I soon will be standing in front of a door, unlocking it and seeing the bare walls inside. this will become a room of learning and understanding of the past. I will be able to be part of that transformation and I will teach.


I can't wait to be a teacher.

All Hail!

I was thinking about how I was going to "Penelope" my last entry. (*Don't know Penelope--check her out on the link. She is a character from SNL skits that always has to one up everyone)

Penelope at the Wedding

I decided I would do so by pledging my allegiance to my freak flag. Yes, you read that correctly. A freak flag is loosening up and being who you are. I heard it first on the movie, The Family Stone. It is in the scene when Luke Wilson and Sarah Jessica Parker are at the bar and he tells "You have a freak flag; you just don't fly it". While watching this the other day, I realized it is something I need to do. It is something that everyone needs to do, and since I do not believe in only making resolutions at the beginning of the year, but whenever they come, today is the day I fly my freak flag. I have to tell why this part of the movie stuck out to me.

The other day I ran into an old co-worker while in the company of a person I was catching up with. This coworker is a chatter box and had to tell the person I was with about when he met me, "how prim & proper" I was and his first interaction with me was just that. I do not recall this, but he remembers me vividly telling him to stop cursing while at work (at the gas station) while there were children in the store and ladies working. I am sure that I probably did say that, it sounds like me, but I don't remember, but he remembers that and had to tell his story about me.

I then sat there while he rattled off about aliens and ghosts existences and was trapped in my own mind about that perception of always being prim & proper. I know that this was a very nice compliment from this gentleman, but it has caused me to decided to pole my Freak Flag, high and proud. The perception of others on me should not matter, as long as I am happy with myself, I will find others that will be happy around me for being who I am and not being refined or

-->scrupulous. There is a time and a place.

I sometimes get so consumed in school work and books that I forget what it is like to have fun and to be fun. This allegiance is my pledge to have fun. This is my last semester of school and I want to make the most of it and fill my head with memories for those cloudy days that come. I want to be proud of my freak side and not apologize for my craziness! 

Let the Freak prevail in us all!!!

5 Mile Adventure

December 30th was a night of miracles! The Lord certainly had ways of blessing and reminding me of His constant attention in my life. A dear friend and I went and saw 127 Hours in Salt Lake. If you don't know anything about this movie it is all about the experience of Aron Ralston--the man who had to cut off his arm in Southern Utah to get free from being pinned for 5 days by a boulder. It was an amazing movie (they kept it real to what he experienced) from the angles, the music, to filming in the actual place he was pinned, it was spectacular. Once the movie ended, I was just in awe and began to be grateful for all the small and simple things life brings me daily. I then began to thank the Lord for some of these simple things.
After the movie we went to 711 and got some hot chocolate and drove around in my car, Daphne. We were able to discuss many things that both of us needed to get off our chest to a person we trusted. So, we drove around for a good 45 minutes until I parked Daphne so that we could continue talking and I could stop killing the environment. We stopped driving at the U of U institute parking lot.
I put my car on the spot where all the electronic bells and whistles will work but the engine is not turned on. While we were sitting there I got the thought prompting me that I should go and drive my car back to where Scott's was. I ignored it, thinking back to myself 'I am enjoying this conversation, I do not want him to think I am kicking him out'. A couple minutes after this the thought came to turn my car all the way off. I yet again ignored that with the rebuttal it was 16 degrees outside, I am keeping my heated seats on. 
Then. . . 

BOOF.

Daphne's battery died. Since she is an automatic we were in a bit of a pickle. Thanks to technology of smart phones, we learned that my friends car was 5 miles away from where we were. AGH!! I was not about to walk that with no gloves and trendy (not warm) boots.

As I mentioned, we were stuck at the U of U Institute parking lot. We left his car on 300 S. He then has the genius idea for us to have an adventure-- we'll coast all the way down to State Street.

I initially thought there is no way we can get that far, but I decided that was better than nothing. I figured even if we only get a little ways it will be better than where we were.
We spent a while trying to get the car out of the parking lot and onto the street without hitting snowbank or falling on our faces. Since this was his genius plan, I gave him the wheel. He knew how to get to his car better than I did, and I felt safer being the passenger. Once we were on a the main street we ran and then jumped in. With a prayer in my heart that we would not get pulled over, or in an accident by our plan to just go through any red light that we were faced with we began to drift down toward State Street.
We were coasting Daphne down well. We were going fast for a vehicle that was not running we were going normal speed.
Miraculously, we had no red lights. I wish that I could express into words how amazing this was to experience. It was as if God had changed all the lights for us to make it down. Even when we were coming up to a red light, one-two blocks prior it would change to green. We made it all the way down to 400 so and State Street. My friend ran to get his car and came back to jump start mine. After all our panting, pushing and pulling the car, and our silent prayers, it was fixed in a matter of seconds.
The Lord was truly listening to our silent prayers in our hearts and helped protect us. I feel very humble from this experience.I saw in so many ways the Lord's hand impact my life even though I was being stubborn and prideful and did not listen to the promptings he offered to protect before any scenario appeared. I am grateful that He is merciful enough to forgive my for my pride. Though we traveled 5 miles to get down the hill and close to his car, I took a big 30 foot leap into understanding and opening my eyes more to the power and influence God has on/in/through my life. 
I feel electric from this experience. It just reiterates to me that no matter what He is always there ready to listen and help in anyway He can in our lives. This was something that was simple, but means so much to me because it helped me to be humbled and have a greater appreciation for His hand in my life! This experience has not only humbled me with God's hand in my life, but the whisperings of the Holy Ghost that I need to listen to and not think that I know better. This was a small thing that has tested my faith to not understand but just do. Though I had not done so, this experience cleared my clouded mind to make it so I will do better in the future.
Happy New Year!!

Gaining Perspective

I was looking around the food court today while I hurried and ate during my break. I watched as people conversed with their company. I began to wonder what each of these individuals do. 

Who are they. 

What is their life story.

I began to stare at the table where two officers were seated and a citizen. I watched as the one officer was retelling the story of close-lining a delinquent. I could assume that this happened a little bit ago, for his partners face was filled with boredom by hearing the same story so many times. But to the other, she was engaged so much that I thought she was going to fly off her chair with anticipation. 

I then proceeded to scroll what had then become my entertainment and watched a proud mother show off her Christmas pictures of her children. Telling her friends what each of them is doing and how successful they all are.

I wonder how different each of their individual lives are. And how interwoven all of our lives are in each others. People are in a constant web of contacts. Today, I rang up some of their merchandise, but with all in the food court, we were able to share a meal together.
Today I gained a greater appreciation for one of the many simple things in my life. People watching helped open my eyes to people and their different stories and how each of us have a different life and different circumstances that make us who we are today.

The Chicken or the Egg?

Let’s be real for a minute. Sometimes (and by sometimes I do mean for the majority of situations) being a good person is not worth it. You get stepped all over; people will take advantage of you because they can.  What is the point in being a good person? Especially when you get told that after they have used you for a long period of time. Think about that in whatever way you can in your own life (i.e. by being there for them, but them not being there for you: doing more of the assignment: being misled). I have felt this.
It is like having your entire body covered in paper cuts, and once that person says "you are such a good person" or “you are a great friend” it feels as though they have thrown lemon juice all over you. It’s like they know it is a dagger in your heart, so they turn it. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this. But after coming to the realization of this phenomenon I thought to myself, 'being called a good person is no longer a compliment, but rather an insult'. Good people are seen as being naive for trying to help, stupid for allowing people to walk on them like a door mat, and an idiot for not becoming bitter and being the walker rather than the walked on. Has this occurred because so many people are only out to better their life? Have we become that heartless as a generation? A country? A world?
I am not saying that I am not at fault for this predicament that faces all of us. But I have realized this. Since this realization that came early on in my life, I have been trying to be the one getting the lemon juice poured onto me than doing the pouring. Though it stings, especially when those closest to me are the ones hurting me, I have to realize that they do not understand. They have not had this epiphany, or they have yet to experience being used, or they were used and became bitter that they now use everyone. I hope that when these people in my life do, I hope that I will be able to empathize with them, after all I have been through this countless times, and every time hurts just as much. But the pain goes away, and it becomes a cycle with some. I'm full of metaphors today, so here is one more. It is like a scar, it no longer hurts, but you remember the pain from when you got it. The same goes with being a decent person and being used. For me, I remember getting used by a certain persons at different stages of my life (as I am sure many can).
Call me foolish, but I always hope that if I help them, talk to them, and continue to be a good person and friend, that they will not hurt/use me again. Yet, the majority I am in a cycle. Looking to my perfect example and the life He led, I know that I will have temporal pain, but eternal satisfaction for helping someone in the time they needed it. I am hopeful for others, not naive.
I am learning. I am continuing to grow as a person. I am learning more about myself in these situations than I think I could any other way.

This has always been interesting to me, and I just wanted to jot down my thoughts about it.

Oh. Here comes the snow!

I love the snow, I love when the snowflakes are ginormous and I catch one in my mouth. But I only love snow for the month of December. I love seeing houses with Christmas lights and  snow. This is one of my favorite memories of the Christmas season from when I was little, driving around and seeing all the pretty lit houses. When there is snow all around, it makes Christmas lights appear even brighter. But when I cannot even see outside my living room window because of all the snow.... 

it is too much snow!!

I do love how I can snuggle in a blanket, sipping my hot coco and watch everyone walk by freezing outside. I can just sit inside loving the snow. However, when I am out trying to walk to class I hate it! I obviously have a love hate relationship with snow. I think that it is more hate than love.

I know what you are thinking, 'if you hate the snow so much, why do you go to a school where it is snowing for 7/9 months you are there'?  Because I love everything else that my school has to offer. I love the friends I have up here, the education I am receiving, the small town feel that only can be felt in places like here. The snow is only a side note to all the things I love about this place. 

Elvis Presley

Elvis-the secret idol of everyone!

Lets be honest, if you have not seen an Elvis Presley movie, you have not lived!! They are the cheesiest and yet most amazing movies ever!!!                                                                              This lovely break from school I have been able to watch three of them: "Fun in Acapulco", "Frankie & Johnny", and "Girls Girls Girls". If you have yet to watch one, I suggest Girls Girls Girls or Blue Hawaii.

Hmmm maybe I should just have an Elvis Party and then you can really experience the amazingness of Elvis!!

One of the ugliest things in the world I constantly see is contention. It is a wood to a fire of hate and insensitivity. I get so sick of seeing it, hearing it, and then being encompassed in it, in that moment in time when I find myself doing it, I run!! 
I run to get away from everything and take a moment to breathe. At the moment of this deep breath I think so many random thoughts and questions of frustration, fear, and anxiety. 
I then try to let it all go, but is that possible? 
Can I just forget about the things that cause my mind to run circles, trying to see it from every angle, and then just let go?
Yep. I can. Mind over matter baby. Or I guess in this case mind over mind. Ha ha.
I love the fact that I can do whatever I see fit, I can find alternate means to get around a rock or a pothole that is one my path of life, all I have to do is stop and look at it and then find that route.

Grateful for this day

I am eternally grateful for a holiday of good food, good company, no school and a day when the nation can thank their Creator for the blessings we have. 
I am so blessed. I am grateful to live in a country where I have the right to do the things I want. Being able to gain an education is one of the greatest blessings to me. A chance to better myself and to make a better life for everyone that is to come into the world. An opportunity to leave everything better then how I found it because I have the obligation to by being as blessed as I have been. 
Tis the season to spread love through anyway that makes somebody else feel blessed by what I have done.


I love this holiday and I thank President Lincoln for establishing this during a time in our history that was darkest we had ever faced and probably will ever face as a nation.

The Ability to Achieve

This is my very first blog and I believe it suits me very well with who I am the reality of life. Before you even read, thank you for reading.


Through worries and stresses of life- school, family, friends, and my own mind, I have been blessed with the knowledge that I can do whatever I set my mind to. Though it was not an easy journey to come to this place. 
Strength is found after much perseverance through heavy and sometimes troubling twists and turns on this road we call life. Maybe your life is not where you wish it was, maybe you feel like your life is too hard. Don't give up on whatever it is that you believe in. Giving up on your beliefs is like throwing your life jacket off when you are stuck in the middle of the ocean. It is much harder to stay alive when you believe in nothing.
For me, I had to decide if my belief in myself was strong enough to overcome a recent challenge. At first, I wasn't. I felt very low and lost that I did not know how to pick myself back up, nor did I have the desire to. After a couple hours/days of negative thinking and a river I created from my tears, I realized "I have to move on". I have heard this riddle and find it to be very fitting- 
What do you do when you find yourself in a hole with no ladder and no way to get out?  

You must stop digging. 

This fits who I am so well. 
Wallowing was not getting me anywhere but further and further in a hole of desperation and isolation. I was not letting those who were hearing me give me a ladder, I had to stop digging to get out and ask for help, and reflect in a constructive way to get myself out a predicament that was partially (mostly) self inflicted. 
Most of this strength I have found comes to me through multiple places. I find strength through my family, my friends, conversations with good people who genuinely care,  uplifting quotes, and definitely my faith in a God and His son, my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ. Though the ones listed are very important to me, I get much strength from people I do not know, through their powerful words in music. The reason I bring this up is 1) Music is something that people can all relate to if they want and 2) for the strength that I find in a bizarre song by Prince. I know you may now think that I am crazy but at the beginning of his song it is powerful and everything that I am trying to express in this blog is said simply by him: 

Let's Go Crazy- Prince

Dearly beloved

We are gathered here today

to get through this thing called life

Electric word life

It means forever and that's a mighty long time

But I'm here to tell you

There's something else

The afterworld

A world of never ending happiness

You can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills

You know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright

Instead of asking him how much of your time is left

Ask him how much of your mind, baby 

Cause in this life

Things are much harder than in the afterworld

In this life

You're on your own

And if the elevator tries to bring you down

Go crazy - punch a higher floor

The rest of the song is quite an upbeat tune and makes me smile. Give it a listen the next time you don't feel like you have strength to stop digging. We have the ability to choose what will rock us and what will make us stronger. Though at first you may feel weak, don't give up. Persevere in whatever it is you believe in and you will make it through.